To live or not to Live that is the question

hey guys ... Im back.... well what can i say ..kinda been beached in my comfy apartment the past month ... Hope i can fit thru the door once all these exams are over .... :P Ive never been the best person to bare my soul on paper but thought maybe this would b a great outlet....

Im in the middle of my SESSIONAL exams ..... aka the walk thru mine feilds before world war 3 ..... Ironiclly .. I haven been having palpitaions.. frustrations anxiety stress or ny of the normal feelings of a exam going chap.... I seem calm collected comfy and cool about it all.. Note this is not due to the fact i have fisished studying BELEIVE ME ..... i haven done squat..... but im still calm ...

Its eerie.......whats wrong with me... M i so dead inside that ive lost all mortal feelings .... humm..... someone pinch me give me a reality check..... well I guess being so seasoned going for exams seeing failure up close and personal .... i'll walk my walk talk my talk and hope for the best......

But is a good way of dealing with things.... I dunno ...... I jus wanna get out into the real world .. move myself up in the food chain..... Im sick of being squished just coz i haven crossed to the other side....

I know im gonna regret crossing over once i get there ... but still at this minuite moment and second i really just wanna get out... Ny longer i stay in this sewage im just gonna drown ... I already feel it clamp in to my very essence and suck me dry ......

I once saw a patient in catatonia.. with no mental presence in the present in his own world corps like..... but now to a certain extent i understand what he went thru ... Im concious but dying ,,, ive a pulse but i feel like my souls ticking away .... scary i must say ..... i need to move on in life ... LIVE ...

To live easier said than done.... god give me the courage to live .... One can onli pray ..... and walk ....

I yearn for the day that i can say ....... i did something new away from the monotony of my decaying life.... maybe just i lived today like none other....